The Long and Winding Road to Becoming a Bride (Part 1)

I'm a girl. Girls come with alot of emotions and sensetivity. Any girl reading this, I can guess has probably gone through or felt some of the exact same things that I have. If not exactly the same, I'm sure similar. In only 19 years of life, I have felt and experienced crippling fear, weakening confusion, heartbreaking sadness and soul crushing loss. But I have also felt and experienced salvation! pure happiness and indescribable excitment! I'm sure we've all felt these things for one reason or another.
As a girl, I've also dealt with the emotions of "mom, nobody likes me." "I'm not pretty." "I'm to big" and on the list goes. Well, I remember it was when I was 14-15 that I dealt with alot of my "Nobody likes me" feelings. I would pour out to my mom how I felt that, boys didn't like me, they only saw me as their little sister, they didn't and wouldn't like me as anything more than a friend. My mom so loving, reminded me that I was indeed beautiful and that more people liked me than I thought (I wanted to know who she was talking about!haha)and that I would find the person that would like me as more than a friend. But for whatever reason...I had grown impatient for that. When I was 15, my wonderful mother was called home to be with her Lord after a 2 and a half year battle with cancer. She was gone, in the middle of my feeling confused about why I "wasn't liked" and why i didn't have a boyfriend. These of course weren't the only or biggest reasons I missed my mom! She was my best friend and I loved her so dearly! But in looking back, I think, no longer having her to talk to about these things, I unconciously chose to talk to no one about them and grew more impatient for the day that I would be loved by someone. Anyone. I got to a point that I "liked" any guy that would talk to me. I think I knew that wasn't good, but having a guy to talk about or to have a crush on seemed to make things a little better. I would wonder if any of the guys I talked to were my future prince charming! Had I already met him? Was he one of my closet friends? Did I have yet to meet him?
All of this, helps lead into what will be my second blog post: "Letting Go and Letting God", which will continue my story of how I became a bride to be:)